How it all got started

In the beginning, the Engineer created the computer. And the Engineer said, "Let there be bits." And there were bits. And the Engineer separated the bits into ones and zeros. The ones He called TRUE, and the zeros FALSE. And there was Boolean Logic, the first language.

The Engineer said, "Let the bits be gathered into groups, of four, eight, sixteen, thirty-two, sixty-four, and more." The groups of four He called nibbles; of eight, bytes; and the larger ones, words. And there was representation of arbitrary numbers, the second language.

And the Engineer said, "Let the arbitrary numbers represent instructions for the computer." The move, poke, add, and so forth came into being. And there was machine language, the third language.

And the Engineer said, "Let there be mnemonics for the machine language instructions," and there were. The humans no longer had to memorize tables of arbitrary numbers in order to guide the computer. The Engineer saw this and said, "It is good." And there was Assembly, the fourth language.

And the Engineer said, "Let there be constructs to make programming faster, so that instead of eight lines of Assembly Language to store a value, the humans may only write one line." And there were high level languages, the fifth.

And the Engineer created the command line, so that the human race could interact with the computer to accomplish all manner of tasks. He saw His creation, and lo, it was very good. And there was the command line, the sixth language.

There was no seventh language, for the Engineer had exhausted His supply of caffeine, and He rested.

And the Engineer said to the humans, "Enjoy the command line and all the computer helps you accomplish. But do not partake of the Graphical User Interface, for in the day that you do, you shall surely convince the lusers that they are as capable of using the computer as you are.

Now the Programmer was the craftiest of the creatures, and he showed the clueful users a painting program where they could seemingly draw on the screen. The humans partook of this evil, and built it with Windows and mice and kludgey programming. And they saw the Blue Screen of Death, and were sore afraid.

The Engineer came to see the humans, and saw the Blue Screen. And He said, "What have you done?" The humans promptly blamed the Programmer.

The Engineer said to the humans, "Since you made a graphical interface after I told you not to, cursed are you to help all the people you know with the most trivial of computer problems. You shall call it GUI, with reason, for you shall always be stuck."

To the Programmer He said, "Cursed are you to forever remain a social outcast, forever desiring friends in the cool kids crowd, but you shall always be teased. Even as adults, you shall labor in soul-crushing cubicles, cut off from the popular. In your nerdiness, you shall suffer all the days of your life."

Epilogue:

It's been downhill ever since.